Motherhood

At our women’s psychology clinic, we know all too well that considering motherhood and becoming a mother can bring profound changes.  Whether you are considering having children, actively trying to conceive, going through fertility treatment or pregnant, it is likely that your priorities are changing.  If you are a new mother, you may be adapting to the challenges, as well as the joys of this new phase. 

The transition into motherhood known as ‘matrescence’ refers to the transformative shifts in identity, your physical body and relationships, often giving rise to complex emotions and identity shifts in a woman’s life.

At Una Psychology, we understand that the process of becoming a new mother can involve many aspects happening all at once:

  • Fertility challenges: You may be facing huge uncertainty as well as the physical and psychological challenges of trying to get pregnant.  You may be undergoing the gruelling process of IVF or coping with the pain and disappointment of it not yet being successful. 
  • Relationship strain: Focusing on becoming pregnant may be straining your romantic relationship and it may be difficult to communicate openly about how you are experiencing this process differently.  Understandably, the hormonal fluctuations and emotional investment can make it difficult to stay feeling close and connected.
  • Miscarriage: Miscarriage can be a devastating experience.  You may not yet have shared news of your pregnancy with others and so may be feeling isolated in your grief.  If you are not in a relationship, you may be feeling alone with this loss.  If you are in a relationship, you and your partner may be coping with this differently.  You may be on the receiving end of dismissive messages from well-meaning relatives that do not acknowledge your pain.  You may be very fearful of recurring miscarriage and feel extremely anxious about getting pregnant again (even though you long for a baby).
  • Baby loss: At any stage of pregnancy, losing a baby is overwhelmingly painful. This is an excruciating and traumatic loss for you, your partner (if you are in a relationship) and all those who love and care about you.  It may be further complicated by any concerns you have about your medical care during pregnancy giving rise to even more complicated feelings and trauma surrounding what happened.  You may be experiencing intrusive flashbacks, nightmares or extreme vigilance if you are pregnant again, particularly as you approach the stage at which you lost your other child.
  • Pregnancy: Your pregnancy may be a cause for joy and celebration or something that you have mixed or uncertain feelings about.  You may be facing feelings if uncertainty or a lack of confidence about motherhood or parenting, whether this is with your partner or as a single parent.  Rapid physical changes may trigger pre-existing body image issues affecting your confidence and self esteem.  If you have an existing trauma history or mental health concern, you may struggle with the sudden involvement of other professionals and intimate examinations or procedures in the ante-natal period.  You may be wanting to consider how you prepare yourself psychologically for motherhood or be considering in more detail your own experiences of being parented which may bring up unresolved or complicated emotions and memories.  You and/or your partner may be mindful of how involved you want your respective families to be in your are family life and this may need some careful consideration.
  • Preparing for labour & delivery:  If you have experienced a traumatic labour with a previous baby/babies or complications within this pregnancy you may be feeling understandable anxiety about your upcoming delivery.  You may not yet have processed any previously traumatic experiences and require a trauma informed approach to your peri-natal care.  You may need support in approaching how you advocate for your needs and wishes to be considered with healthcare professionals, your partner or birth supporter so you can feel safe and in control during this vulnerable time.
  • Matrescence: refers to the whole raft of mind and body changes you will be facing as a new mother.  Your new identity as a mother is in progress and your ‘new self’ and life may look very different to your ‘old self’.   Being catapulted into the relentless demands of caring for a newborn can feel totally overwhelming.  If you have an established career where you have felt confident and capable, it may feel extremely unsettling to feel suddenly out of your depth.  Unrealistic societal expectations — to instantly bond, successfully breast feed, always be patient, or do everything right — or be a “perfect mother” can lead to guilt and self-criticism. 
  • Feelings of Isolation: You may be feeling isolated and miss the connection of your established friends/ colleagues and the predictable routine of your old life.  Your priorities and values may be shifting so you feel out of step with those you were close to before you had your baby.  
  • Relationship Dynamics: You may be struggling with how you divide the parenting labour with your partner or feel resentful if they have returned to work.  You may also be managing the transition of a new baby arriving for your other children and they may be communicating their feelings about their new sibling in their own unique ways.
  • Mood & Mental Health Challenges: Your mood and mental health may be affected by all the physical and hormonal changes, breastfeeding challenges, sleep deprivation and coping when your baby is unsettled.   Cultural messages about what it means to be a ‘good mother’, endlessly patient, nurturing, self-sacrificing and ‘always available’ can perpetuate a sense of failure.  You may be feeling inadequate compared to what other new mums have been sharing or what you are seeing posted on social media.  You may be concerned you are postnatally depressed or be experiencing signs of exhaustion and burnout, irritability or mood swings.
  • Returning to Work: You may be feeling anxious at the thought of returning to work, particularly if your baby is not yet sleeping well.  Arranging the right childcare for your baby or toddler can feel extremely anxiety provoking and you may both require a period of adjustment to this new routine.  You may be feeling as though you have lost skills or confidence as you return to your role after maternity leave.  You may be wondering whether to take a career break and need some time and space to process what this might mean for you and your family.
  • The Juggle: You may feel overwhelmed having to juggle showing commitment to your job alongside your parenting responsibilities.  It can be stressful having to ask for parental leave or rearrange your work when your young child becomes unwell.  This is a time of many conflicting emotions, priorities and can lead to mothers feeling ‘pulled in all directions’.  Many new mothers report feeling guilt, self-criticism, anxious and overwhelmed.
  • Self Care: You may be finding it extremely difficult to find the time to take care of yourself, have a break, exercise and do things outside of caring for your child.  There may a lack of familial support in your life leaving you feeling as though it’s all on your shoulders.  Prioritising your own needs may also be a difficult area for you if you were not encouraged to do this through your development or were neglected or made to take on too many responsibilities as a child or young person yourself.
  • Relationship Strain: Not getting enough sleep, adjusting to the constant demands of caring for your baby or toddler can impact communication and intimacy with your partner.  You may feel as though the balance of childcare or housework is unfair or that whilst your life is dramatically different, your partner’s seems largely unchanged. These experiences may lead to feelings of resentment or anger which leave you feeling alone and unsupported.  
  • Expressing yourself: It may be particularly difficult to be aware of your feelings or needs if you have a tendency to take on responsibilities readily or struggle to express yourself.  If you only express your feelings when you feel intensely overwhelmed, your partner may struggle to know what you need or distance themselves further which may feel like an abandonment.
  •  

If you are considering motherhood, are pregnant or a new mother, we at Una Psychology have both professional and lived experience of just how tough this can be from conception to welcoming your new baby and trying to do your best.  We recall the ‘very steep learning curve’ and wanting to do a good job for our babies coinciding with physical discomfort after birth, feeding issues and feeling so tired it was like we were drugged.  Learning to do such an important job under these challenging conditions would call for a pay rise or promotion in most jobs! Luckily we were able to support each other at this time and now we are here to support you, combining our professional expertise with our very much NOT forgotten memories of the highs and lows of this stage of life.  If you would like to talk to us about how we can help be alongside you at this time, get in touch.

Antonella & Rachel
Learn More About Us

Cookies Policy

Copyright © 2026 Una Psychology
Made with ❤ by Therapy Webgenie